A New Dictionary

The event is comprised of a tough 42 km cycle, 2 km run, 10 km kayak, and 10 km run. I finished in a time of 4:16:20 to take out the junior women's division.

Where can a man buy a cap for his knee?
Or the key to a lock of his hair?
Should your eyes be called an academy
Because there are pupils there?

Is the crown of your head where jewels are found?
Who travels the bridge of your nose?
If you wanted to shingle the roof of your mouth
Could you use the nails in your toes?

Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand?
Or beat on the drum in your ear?
Can the calf of your leg eat the corn off your toe?
Then why not grow corn on the ear?

Can the crook in your elbow be sent to jail?
If so, what did he do?
How can you sharpen your shoulder blades?
I‘ll be darned if I know, do you?

~ William Dunkle

aroint, v.
Begone.

boscage, n.
Mass of trees or shrubs; thicket.

carking, a.
Burdensome, distressful.

divagate, v.
Stray, wander; digress in speech.

eldritch, a.
Weird, hideous, eerie.

foozle, n.
An error, a messed up task; clumsy failure.

gobemouche, n.
Credulous newsmonger; silly and credulous person. Literally 'fly swallower'.

hortative, a.
Tending, serving, to exhort.

inchoate, a.
not yet completed or fully developed; rudimentary. Just begun.

jannock, a.
Honest, fair, straightforward.

kerf, n.
Slit made by cutting with a saw; cut end of felled tree.

lethologica, n.
The inability to remember a word or put your finger on the right word

maugre, prep.
In spite of; notwithstanding.

natation, n.
The act or skill of swimming.

objurgate, v.
To reproach or denounce vehemently, upbraid harshly, berate sharply, chide, scold.

parvenu, n.
Person of obscure origin who has gained wealth or position, upstart.

quire, n.
Four sheets of paper folded to form eight leaves; any collection of leaves one within another in manuscript or book; 24 sheets of writing paper.

rhotacism, n.
excessive use of the sound (r), its misarticulation, or the substitution of another sound for it.

scrannel, a.
Squeaky, feeble, unmelodious.

tergiversate, v.
To change repeatedly one's attitude or opinions with respect to a cause, subject; equivocate. To turn renegade, apostatize, turn one's coat.

ulotrichan, n.
Woolly haired; belonging to a group of people having woolly hair.

verso, n.
A left-hand page of an open book or manuscript.

welkin, n.
The sky, the vault of heaven

Xanthippe, n.
A scolding or ill-tempered wife; shrewish woman.

yegg, n.
Itinerant burglar; safe breaker.

Zingaro, n.
A Gypsy

~ Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

~ Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

~ Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

~ Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

~ Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

~ Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

~ Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's never anyone in the checkout line.

~ Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.

~ Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

~ Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

~ Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

~ Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

~ Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

~ Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

~ Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

~ Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

~ Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

~ Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

~ Law of the Last Word: "Hey, watch this!"

~ Von Fumbles Law: When one wishes to unlock a door but has only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket.

~ Yale Law of Destiny: A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside.

~ Sorry Law: Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened.

~ Cheney's Second Corollary: When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten to do something.

~ Destiny Awaits Law: When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions.

~ Law of Gravitas: If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem.

~ Einstein's Law of Persistence: Most problems are neither created nor solved, they only change appearances.

~ Principle of Ding-a-ling: If you've run to answer the telephone, you'll pick it up just as the party hangs up on you.

~ Law of Wasteland: If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time.

~ Law of Campbell's Oops: The probability that you will spill food on your clothes is directly proportional to your need to be clean.

~ The Donking Principle: Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo.

~ Law of Fatal Irreversibility: After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later.

~ Law of deLay: Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and no one else in the waiting room -- and if one arrives late, everyone else will have arrived before you.

.... and...

Murphy was an optimist!