A New Dictionary

~ Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

~ Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

~ Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

~ Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

~ Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

~ Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

~ Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's never anyone in the checkout line.

~ Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.

~ Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

~ Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

~ Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

~ Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

~ Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

~ Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

~ Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

~ Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

~ Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

~ Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

~ Law of the Last Word: "Hey, watch this!"

~ Von Fumbles Law: When one wishes to unlock a door but has only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket.

~ Yale Law of Destiny: A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside.

~ Sorry Law: Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened.

~ Cheney's Second Corollary: When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten to do something.

~ Destiny Awaits Law: When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions.

~ Law of Gravitas: If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem.

~ Einstein's Law of Persistence: Most problems are neither created nor solved, they only change appearances.

~ Principle of Ding-a-ling: If you've run to answer the telephone, you'll pick it up just as the party hangs up on you.

~ Law of Wasteland: If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time.

~ Law of Campbell's Oops: The probability that you will spill food on your clothes is directly proportional to your need to be clean.

~ The Donking Principle: Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo.

~ Law of Fatal Irreversibility: After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later.

~ Law of deLay: Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and no one else in the waiting room -- and if one arrives late, everyone else will have arrived before you.

.... and...

Murphy was an optimist!