A New Dictionary

1.) Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Auckland driver never uses them. Use of them in Manukau may be illegal.

2.) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3.) Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4.) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. (Red light means "last three cars".)

5.) Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.

6.) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7.) Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make North Shore look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the speed camera car parked on the median.

8.) Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left.

9.) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

10.) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.